“Tokolonnikova has a mixed personality disorder, as evidenced by”“active life stance”
(from the verdict in the case of “Pussy Riot”)
The two sexes in a reproductive system, where one fertilizes and the other carries the offspring, cannot be equal, no matter how much equality advocates might wish it. The carrying function ensures the guarantee of reproduction. The potential for population growth in mammals is always measured by the females. The fertilizing function does not provide any guarantees. Children can be born without male involvement, and the entire population requires only a minimal number of males. Naturally, in this scenario, females choose the best males, while the less desirable ones remain bachelors.
In other words, males, unlike females, have the chance to fertilize the entire herd, but on the other hand, they can end up with nothing. The independence of population growth from the number of males leads to a situation where it is beneficial for the society, and even the species as a whole, to sacrifice males. Additionally, due to the greater competitiveness among males compared to females, natural selection tends to focus more on males. It’s not a big deal if a deformed male is born—the population growth won’t be halted by that. However, if a super male is born, his genes will spread more rapidly throughout the population. Thus, an evolutionary strategy has developed where nature experiments on males but preserves the “best traits” in females. The experimental potential of males is influenced not only by this evolutionary rationale but also by the Y chromosome’s greater susceptibility to various mutations. Among men, there are more outliers—both in terms of deformities and psychopathy, as well as beauty and genius—compared to women. Nature experiments blindly, filtering out the bad options and solidifying the good ones.
Evolutionarily, males, who are often faced with life-threatening dangers more frequently than females, have developed better stress resilience, greater strength and endurance, and a different type of intelligence—one that is more inclined towards risk-taking and an active lifestyle. This doesn’t mean that every man is more active than every woman. Rather, out of 1,000 men and women, about 500 men and 50 women might agree to go into the mountains. Psychologically, men tend to be more at ease with risk, are more likely to engage in self-sacrifice, can hold the idea of an experiment with an unknown outcome in their minds more easily, and are more enthusiastically drawn into hierarchical competition. A man does not need to carry and nurture offspring; he can take risks with himself. In fact, he doesn’t even need to participate in the conception. Another, and importantly, a more successful male can take care of that.
All of this leads to the man proposing to the woman, rather than the other way around. The stereotypical behavior of a woman is to sit on the porch waiting for suitors with a stash of pumpkins to hand out to each rejected groom. It’s harder for a woman than for a man to cope with rejection. It’s more dangerous for a woman than for a man to fight for the best. A woman wants to be chosen, but also wants to retain the right to say “no.”
A woman receives one suitor after another, rejecting some and going on dates with others, but she continues to wait for a more suitable option and eventually makes her choice. She makes her decision using her internal calculator, which assesses the chances of finding a higher-quality man. Men come to women with flowers and champagne, and either get rejected immediately or end up on a waiting list (going on initial dates) and then either graduate from the waiting list as suitors or get rejected again.
The problem of finding stable pairs in society, known as the marriage problem, was solved by Nobel laureates Alvin Roth and Lloyd Shapley. They demonstrated that for any arbitrary number of men and women, and for any preferences held by each man and woman, there will always exist a non-empty set of stable pair combinations. This means that these combinations will not wish to break their unions in order to form new marriages with other people. A stable set of pairs, into which a group of men and women is divided, does not imply that each man and woman receives their best choice. It has been proven that the proposing gender ends up with the best choice among all possible options. Conversely, those who wait and select end up with the worst choice.
To understand why this is the case, let’s consider a simple scenario with two men and two women: Kolya and Misha, Tanya and Katya. Suppose Kolya prefers Katya over Tanya, while Misha prefers Tanya. At the same time, Tanya is more fond of Kolya, and Katya prefers Misha. If Kolya and Misha propose, they will approach Katya and Tanya, respectively. Tanya and Katya will place the arriving boys on a “waiting list” and start going on dates with them. When no one better comes along, they will marry not the ones they love more, but the ones who are available. The pairs Kolya-Katya and Misha-Tanya will be stable because, even if Tanya wants Kolya more, she won’t get him since Kolya is more satisfied with Katya than with Tanya. In other words, if Tanya and Katya were the ones proposing, the set of pairs would be better for the girls, not the boys.
The conclusion that can be drawn is that despite the more “shameful” and “risky” role of the one asking, the partner who is proposing has a better option than the one responding to offers. And if, for some reason, you have chosen the role of the one waiting, the best thing you can do to find your match is to start actively putting yourself out there. Nothing will be lost if you begin inviting members of the opposite sex on dates, actively choosing whom to invite first and whom to invite second. Take control of the process, rather than just “allowing or forbidding.”
Interestingly, when considering the general case tasks about a discerning bride A man doesn’t need to “win over” a woman; such a tactic is mathematically unjustified for that particular man. Pursuing a woman and competing for her with other men is not rational. A man should simply choose from those who have chosen him as the best option. A man who receives a “maybe” and isn’t looking for the next woman is actually in a worse situation than one who gets a “no” and retains the freedom to choose further. Let the woman make the choice. The man should continue to seek other prospects while maintaining the same “maybe” status with the previous woman. Therefore, from a man’s perspective, it makes sense to turn away and move on when he notices a woman receiving attention from multiple suitors or when he gets a response like “I’ll think about it.” Resentment and jealousy have no place here. This is pure business and cold mathematics. However, for a woman, it is mathematically advantageous to accumulate a pool of candidates in order to select the best one. Naturally, in such conditions, the patriarchal social morality, promoted by men and for men, practically forbids “frivolous” relationships on the part of women. A simple mathematical conflict of interest among market participants leads to the emergence of magnificent fractal patterns of relationships that have inspired artists, painters, and poets for thousands of years.
Unfortunately, there is a stereotype for women of the “Magic Prince.” Many women wait and wait for him, taking the strategies of Sleeping Beauty or Assol from “Scarlet Sails” as a guide for action. Here I am, sitting and waiting for Him. After all, there are handsome men, wealthy individuals, and geniuses in the world. I wasn’t made for an ordinary mortal. If you have daughters, throw out all that fairy tale nonsense from your library. The role models should be stories like “Beauty and the Beast” or “Puss in Boots.” The societal morality that, on one hand, promotes monogamy and forbids many women from accepting proposals from the same man, while on the other hand, places women in a losing position by assigning them the role of passive participants in the process of forming couples, should not be accepted by active women as an absolute truth in the age of contraceptives and DNA tests. A truly free woman calls for a date herself and isn’t afraid of rejection, rather than waiting to be asked.
Taking an active stance in life is important not only when no one is courting you, but especially when you have a line of admirers. The economics of marriage shows that the best choice goes to the active participant. Any business, when making decisions about purchasing certain goods and services, also tries to take an active position and turns down all the “suitors”—salespeople trying to get past the receptionist. At the same time, any company decides for itself, when the need arises, whom to buy from, ignoring the “commercial proposals” and phone calls from suppliers offering exactly what the company needs.
The traditional passive role assigned to women fosters a tendency to seek attention and a constant desire for it. Women are more likely than men to use makeup, wear revealing outfits, high heels, long painted nails, and indulge in perfumes and jewelry. A woman dressed provocatively and sexually attracts the attention she desires, but fails to find what she truly needs—a marriage partner. In fact, it often works the other way around. A mini skirt and low-cut top generate a flood of attention from all sorts of men, rather than from those who truly matter. Moreover, the right man is likely to avoid the competition if he perceives serious rivalry; and if he does engage in the frenzy, his presence will be overshadowed by the participation of other men, who are driven solely by transactional motivations.
A sexually appealing woman behaves like an airline that spends a lot of money on advertising such as, “Kiev-London $49*.” The asterisk leads to a footnote where the fine print essentially states, “what was written is not true.” The airline garners attention, the number of calls to the contact center sharply increases, and marketers report success. However, the overloaded call center will serve genuine customers—those not misled by the asterisk—more slowly than usual, and it’s likely that a ready customer will grow tired of waiting for a response and call a competitor instead. Did they receive a surge in calls? Yes. Did they increase flight occupancy? No. In such cases, marketers claim that phone calls have a “low conversion rate.” And even if they did increase occupancy, it’s not with quality passengers willing to pay a premium, but with those seeking the cheapest fare, thus depriving the airline of profit. By advertising price alone, the airline attracts customers driven by cost rather than the added value that distinguishes one airline from another. Companies that are in a better position are those that practice active sales—taking the initiative and actively seeking clients. These companies engage in consultative and strategic selling rather than transactional selling, and they achieve greater profits from their deals.
In essence:
- Men are more active than women and are more prone to taking risks due to evolutionary and biological reasons.
- The mathematical solution to the marriage problem shows that the “proposing” partner has an advantage over the “choosing” partner.
- Women typically limit themselves to attracting attention and, as a rule, receive an excess of attention with a low “conversion rate.”
- It’s important not to be afraid to take an active stance in life and to actively seek out candidates yourself, rather than waiting for them to approach you one by one.