Do you know why three hundred years ago one scientist could manage to discover a dozen laws of physics and simultaneously push mathematics forward by centuries? In fact, even at the beginning of the 20th century, it was quite possible to create a new theory almost single-handedly. Because back then, the hull of the ship of science hadn’t yet become encrusted with parasitic barnacles as it has now.
A typical scene in any research laboratory (the country doesn’t matter): one supervisor, one scientist, a couple of students, two secretaries, a technical engineer, and two technical specialists, one of whom is best left unused because he has a permanent contract and can do everything with a “oh, just leave it” attitude, and you can’t fire him. There are no scientists higher up in the hierarchy. Just bureaucrats. And on the side—what about the HR department and accounting? In total, one scientist, while securing grants, has to support at least five freeloaders right in his lab, as well as the entire chain of command up to the rector. And do you know what happens if the scientist fails to secure the next grant? He gets fired! And the lab… will continue its bustling activities, but without scientists. There won’t be any publications, but the funding will still be there. And in general, science is a serious business. No time for experiments!
A separate type of parasite is the ethics committee. These are the guys without whom you can’t even approach a rat, let alone handle one. Seriously, imagine that now, in order to visit the vivarium and take a rat from it, you have to go through special courses(!). I’m afraid to admit that I have pet rats at home, and I handle them without any special certification. How has no one called the police yet? A scientist doesn’t have time for special courses, so when a rat is needed, a certified technician (the one without a permanent contract) goes to the vivarium to get it. The one with a permanent contract can’t get off their chair (trials have been conducted).
But that’s not all. Imagine that newborn rats are needed for the experiments. Yes, that’s right, they somehow got permission for such a “inhumane” study. But rats don’t give birth on a schedule. They can have their litters on weekends or in the evening. So, the technician (the one without a permanent contract) has to visit the vivarium every day to check on the breeding. Even on weekends. And on holidays. And during snowstorms when the roads are blocked. And he lives 50 kilometers away from the lab.
And here a sensible idea arises: We should install a video camera in the vivarium to see if the rat gives birth or not. Why waste time going back and forth? Good idea? Yes! So it definitely won’t pass. The ethics committee deemed that installing a camera in the cage is inhumane and violates the rats’ personal space. Rats, Carl. Creatures with 40 million neurons that are completely incapable of being aware of the world around them, let alone cameras. Rats whose pups will eventually be taken away and their brains extracted (which apparently doesn’t violate anything). And all of this is taken very seriously! It’s impossible to describe in words the kind of jelly that passes for brains in the heads of these scientific parasites. Of course, to sit and impose bans, you don’t need an education, and writing a dissertation is definitely not necessary. Challenging their decision is harder than continuing to drive poor lab technicians around on weekends. Explaining anything to them is unrealistic—remember, there’s jelly in their heads. It’s important to understand that those who end up in such cushy jobs are the ones who “really love little animals” and are generally vegans, not those who are in touch with reality.
As an epilogue: When the new topic of cutting costs and staff came up, they fired… yes, that very lab technician. And now, no one is watching over the rats at all, and if they give birth on a weekend, the baby rats are simply put down.
P.S. Six months later, the only scientist in the lab was let go. The contract ended.
That’s why no one expects groundbreaking theories from modern scientists anymore.