As Mao Zedong reportedly said: To swim, you have to swim.
I will give what may seem like a completely obvious and utterly ineffective piece of advice, but here it is: To not be afraid, you must not be afraid. Now, let’s break it down step by step (worthy of a four-hour personal growth training session, which I so… I don’t like it. :-)).
Imagine that you are standing at the edge of a chasm with a log laid across it. You need to cross the chasm, but you have no motivation to do so—just out of curiosity. Would you dare to cross if you’re not an acrobat? Only a die-hard debater would claim they would. Now, imagine that the same log is just lying on the ground. Would you be able to walk across it? Easily!
Is it only fear that prevents us from walking over the abyss? Not just that. Think about how you would walk on a log over a chasm if you had to. You would change your position—you might walk sideways, your arms would be flailing nervously, your muscles would be tense, and your reaction to the slightest loss of balance would be excessive, causing you to fall precisely because you are trying so hard not to. By the way, a note for managers: excessive motivation can paralyze subordinates and lead them to make foolish mistakes. What is the source of fear? The source of fear is the awareness of the value of maintaining balance. If we are ready to fall off a log, to simply jump off when the log is on the ground, we are completely unprepared to do so over an abyss.
From this passage, one very important conclusion can be drawn: if you can’t fight fear, then you need to confront its cause. Put the log on the ground!
How to approach this practically? Thesis one: You should only be afraid if an unfavorable outcome could bring death or irreparable health loss to you or your loved ones. In this case, fear is understandable, and dealing with it involves practice and habituation. Not being afraid is the essence of the work of stunt performers, acrobats, military personnel, climbers, and so on. However, most fears in our lives are far from life-threatening scenarios. Are you afraid of something? Assess the worst possible outcome for yourself. Don’t settle for phrases like “I’ll be booed off stage.” Think further. Imagine all your behavior in detail. How will you discuss this with acquaintances, what will your loved ones’ reactions be, what will you do to rectify the situation, and so on? It would be helpful to recall a similar situation from your past and realize that now, some time later, that failure did not affect your current circumstances. In fact, you might not have achieved what you have now if you had succeeded in that “cherished” moment. Understand, too, that any failure is a lesson and a source of information. After recognizing the absolute worst-case scenario and realizing that if you don’t succeed, at the very least, you’ll have some fun, you can confidently proceed with your task. If things go even slightly better than the worst outcome, that’s already a victory! Train yourself to celebrate victories; it’s a rewarding experience.
Basically, that’s the essence of fear prevention. To not be afraid, you have to not be afraid. Look for the source of your fear and think beyond general phrases.
People often limit themselves to general phrases or “second-level” explanations, not unlike my three-year-old daughter who saw a condom package and asked me what it was. I calmly answered, under my wife’s scrutinizing gaze, “It’s a condom.” She asked again, “What is a condom?” I replied, “It’s a contraceptive.” The child dropped the subject. I had an answer for the third “why”—”It’s a rubber,”—but I knew that most people, especially children, don’t go beyond “second-level” explanations, and their curiosity is satisfied with a simple reference to another term. So, keep asking yourself questions like, “What will happen if…?” and at the very core, on the raw concrete floor of your fear’s foundation, you will find nothing. Just a bare floor. No sharp blades sticking out of it, no flames from torches, no writhing snakes, and no bath of acid.
Do you want an exercise? If you’re ready to break down your fear with me, feel free to join the conversation in the comments. Usually, leadership coaches do this in classrooms.
Remember this: If you don’t take the shot, you definitely won’t score! How many things have we not done in life simply because we were afraid of failure? But in the end, you’ve already achieved failure—the thing you dreamed of remains undone, and you didn’t even try. What do we lose if we don’t dare to do a backflip into the water? Failure will result in a splash and some unpleasant sensations for five minutes, while success could lead to acquiring a cool skill. Yet, we don’t even attempt to jump like that. This is a simple example. A more complex one is starting your own business. In reality, you just need to make the decision, understanding that even if you fail, you won’t lose your life. Yes, there will be temporary troubles, but they won’t be critical. Families of evacuees from Chernobyl completely rebuilt their lives in just five years, starting almost from scratch in a new place. Keep that in mind. If you don’t know what to do and can’t choose one course of action, just pick any. You could even flip a coin. Your inaction gives you a 0% chance of success, while a random choice between two options gives you a 50% chance. Isn’t it worth it to get moving?The gratest risk is not taking oneThe biggest risk is not taking any risks.
As Eric Berne wrote in his book “ Sexual games The text for translation: » «.The best way to determine whether someone is a winner or a loser is this: A winner is someone who knows what they will do next if they lose, but doesn’t talk about it; a loser is someone who doesn’t know what they will do if they lose, but talks about what they will do if they win. Thus, it only takes a few minutes of listening to spot winners or losers at a gambling table or among stockbrokers.“This is exactly what I wrote about. To be a ‘successful person,’ you need to know and envision the worst outcome. This way, you won’t be afraid of failures!”