Now I will explain how a woman over 30 can get married using a standard sales approach. You can view this text as a humorous attempt to apply a well-known theory from another field to an existing problem. Alternatively, it can be taken seriously as a demonstration of sales theory, but not as a guide to getting married. For actual instructions, feel free to ask! Text for translation: here. This text can also be seen as a manifesto of feminism. The very framing of the question implies a dependent role for women in a patriarchal society and reduces women to objects. Just look at how it appears without the fluff. It’s unpleasant, in my opinion.
“Women over 30” By this term, I don’t mean literally those who are 30 years old. In our time, 30 is a good age for marriage. I simply use the term “over 30” in the sense that women in patriarchal societies use it: the age of critical breakdown.
To apply the sales theory, one must introduce the axiom: “women are for sale.” Oh! No! the most “un-salesy” will exclaim, but I will ask them again what gives them confidence in the fate of their children, and it turns out that the wealth and status of their husbands are critical factors. And what about love? Sorry, but this is about sales. I won’t discuss love that isn’t aimed at effectively continuing the lineage. That can be talked about on gay.ru or somewhere else. So, the outline is as follows:
0. Quick problem resolution.
1. On setting goals, options for solitude.
2. Sexual Strategies. Introduction to the Topic.
3. What does a man need?
4. Identifying and Developing Needs
5. Direction towards a solution and closing the deal
6. As an appetizer, the cycle of searching for a “client.”
Table of Contents
Introduction
The root of the problem for single women lies in the monogamous structure of our society. There are statistically fewer men, and among them, even fewer are worthy of being husbands. The number of men is decreasing due to: ·
- The presence of an “inaccessible contingent” — prisoners, military personnel.
- The greater susceptibility of the Y chromosome to various mutations is a factor. Among men, there are more extremes—both in terms of the ugly and the insane, as well as the handsome and the geniuses—compared to women. While the first group filters out candidates from the sample, the second exacerbates the problem with the presence of the “Prince Charming” template. Many women are waiting for him, taking the Sleeping Beauty or Assol from “Scarlet Sails” as a guide for action. Here I am, sitting and waiting for Him. After all, there are handsome men, wealthy ones, and geniuses in the world. I am not made for an ordinary mortal. If you have daughters, throw away all that fairy tale nonsense. The role models should be stories like “Beauty and the Beast” or “Puss in Boots.” 🙂
- In the age race, each man of the same age has to compete not only with women of his own age but also with younger women. There is already a growing trend where 30-year-old women are choosing younger partners, whom their younger competitors, still naive about life, overlook as uninteresting candidates. And the older one gets, the more everyone around is married.
- The patriarchal nature of a society where marriage is the desired goal and a measure of a woman’s success. The very society in which women hold a dependent position fosters competition in the marriage market.
A polygamous society (the version that accepts polygyny, or polygamy) is, on the contrary, created for women. In this society, every woman is guaranteed to get married, as there is an excess of single men. Moreover, each woman in a polygamous society, unlike in a monogamous one, statistically has a much greater chance of having a father for her children who is more successful and stronger than her own father. However, a polygamous society has its own problems that do not appeal to women who value guarantees and security for the future. The sperm toxicity of a large number of unsettled men leads to wars, uprisings, destruction, and so on, which negatively impacts the fate of the next generation as a whole.
A monogamous society is a society for men! Only in a monogamous structure does a man not have to pay for each of his women in one way or another. He can afford to have connections with other women besides his wife without any obligations towards them. Women are humiliated and insulted, yet they continue to chant their mantra, instilled in them by men: “I can’t share my man with anyone.” However, in practice, it turns out that these “incapable” women easily sleep with married men, convincing themselves that “the wife doesn’t count.” I have not met a single single woman who has never slept with a married man at some point in her life. And that’s how it should be. After all, a single woman needs sex, right? All the good men have long been taken and are married. Those who say they don’t sleep with married men are actually admitting that they are not worthy of good men and settle for those who are not wanted by other women.
So, the problem is clear: There are many more women wanting to get married than there are men wanting to tie the knot. In this situation, a woman needs to effectively “sell” the idea of marrying her, which is what we will discuss now.
0. Quick problem-solving
However, let’s first consider the reasons why a woman might want to get married. After all, if it turns out that marriage isn’t necessary, then there’s no point in reading further. Strangely enough, many women don’t even think about why they want to get married and simply follow a stereotype, sometimes almost instinctively. What is marriage, essentially? It’s a contract about divorce. Yes, that’s right! Marriage, unlike cohabitation, formalizes the relationship between partners in the event that one partner leaves or passes away. It outlines how property is transferred, how disputes are resolved, how responsibilities for caring for children are divided, and so on.
Now let’s imagine a successful woman in her 30s who doesn’t have to deal with property issues (like clothes or cars) or investment problems (like housing). Legalizing her relationship with her husband just to end up with the hassle of dividing shared assets? No way! Washing someone else’s dirty socks? God forbid. Putting up with football on TV, a hairy backside, and a crowded bathroom in the mornings? No thanks. Changing her attitude towards other women in this man’s life? What’s the point! Having a steady sexual partner? She couldn’t care less.
Any regular lover, even if married, will be more agile than a long-term partner after a couple of years of cohabitation. New Year alone? Hmm, interesting question, but we’ll consider it later. There remains one reason for marriage – to acquire a father for her children. Importantly, this is not in a material sense, but in a social one. And what if the children are already there and older than 7? Then the very purpose of marriage disappears. In this case, the absence of a husband is not a drawback, but an advantage that opens up a lot of new opportunities.
In our time, when the conception of new children is essentially regulated by a woman’s desire, the issue of illegitimate children and the social problems that arise from this is not a concern. Moreover, in our age of great material possibilities, families prefer to invest in a university education for two children rather than living in slums with ten. This means that the desire to have many children is largely absent among women. So, before you read further, consider whether you actually need a husband. This was a quick solution.
1. On Setting Goals. Options for Solitude
How a woman over 30 found herself alone. A list of reasons, seemingly exhaustive, is provided below:
- Divorced/widowed, keeping the children.
- Divorced/widowed without children.
- I didn’t find my “prince.”
- I pursued a career.
- I set the wrong goals.
- Not attractive at all.
- Not from that social group.
We need to analyze the reasons for loneliness so that at this stage, we can possibly present effective strategies for overcoming the situation and also describe situations from which there is no way out.
Not from that social group.
Let’s start with the end, as an example of such a hopeless situation. Not from that social group. If a woman is a cheap prostitute, an alcoholic, or a drug addict, then it’s likely that she won’t read this post, and therefore it’s pointless to offer advice to such people. Of course, one could fantasize about “how the little mice need to become hedgehogs” and suggest they get off the needle, but unfortunately, I don’t know how to do that, and so we rush past this stop at full speed.
Not attractive at all.
In my life, I’ve seen women for whom it’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to marry them. A prime example from the online community is the story on Lepre about a user ****, who fell in love with a girl whose appearance and behavior were the subject of discussion among the entire community. Can you imagine a situation where a man knows that his wife’s unattractiveness is a well-known fact? And yet he still marries her, telling everyone about her “rich inner world.” Each of us can recall overweight women and girls who still managed to find husbands. But what exactly is “unattractiveness”? For a man, it primarily means lack of grooming.
An example of the transformation of the character played by Alisa Freindlich in the film “Office Romance” is a perfect illustration. Women! If you ever feel unattractive, take care of yourself. A good hairstyle, manicure, pedicure, hair removal, appropriate and moderate makeup, flattering clothing, and most importantly, self-confidence are the keys to success.
Caveat for body positivity: We are currently in sales and selling a product. The products on supermarket shelves usually differ only in packaging. Package the product correctly. Men are jerks (everyone knows this), and they don’t force you to wear makeup and stockings. You are the ones who are trying to catch them. Equality is a myth. You have an advantage – unlike you, men can be “caught” with primitive bait. Use it to your advantage, instead of spouting nonsense like “I don’t need men who aren’t attracted to my appearance” at every corner. Let men approach you, and then choose, without scaring everyone away with your unkempt hair, bitten nails, glasses with mega-diopters, and crooked teeth. Contact lenses, a dentist, and an epilator are your allies on the path to human happiness. Also, for example, don’t smoke. Most men rightly don’t see smoking women as mothers for their children.
Salesperson Resume:Before selling a product, make sure to take care of its packaging. Not confident in your taste? Consult with “marketers” — stylists, makeup artists, and hairdressers. The most important thing is to package it not according to your preferences, but according to what men like. If you prefer overly sweet perfumes, you’ll have to endure and not use them. If you love strawberries and cream, but fish prefer worms, then when going fishing, you should take worms instead of strawberries and cream — a well-known quote from a famous book about how to win friends.
NoteDuring our trip to Egypt, my wife and I observed a sex tourist who was unwanted in Ukraine, so she came to pursue the local youth, tainted by her own choices. Of course, who would want her if she can wear a hippie sundress over hairy armpits, adorn herself with hippie trinkets, apply makeup that screams “I just got off the highway,” and still look like she’s in her late 30s to early 40s? She really needs to get her head checked first and foremost.
I set the wrong goals.
The type of woman mocked online as the “glamorous kitty” is actually amusing not because of her appearance, but because of the way her goals and means have been replaced. Let me explain. As I have already shown while discussing the commodification of women, a man’s financial well-being is a guarantee of the well-being of a woman’s children. I will discuss why such guarantees are particularly important to women in the section dedicated to sexual strategies.
However, humans are social creatures with an instinct to imitate, and sometimes their own values are overshadowed. imitative From the outside, it seems that successful women are hunting for money rather than love. As a result, for some members of society, the symbol of a woman’s success is expensive things, cars, and “sugar daddies” who take care of such “pets.” When a woman moves beyond the term “girl,” she is no longer needed by any “sugar daddy” and is thrown out onto the street like a stray cat. It doesn’t matter whether she managed to marry her “sugar daddy” or not.
From the perspective of a “sugar daddy,” she is just a “babe,” and as soon as she stops being a “babe,” no matter how much she hones her skills driving a Porsche Cayenne with three-centimeter-long nails, chewing gum, and a phone wedged between her shoulder and ear, she will still remain in the category of “pet” or “kitty,” as they like to call themselves. The misunderstanding of why women actually need their husband’s money leads a large number of women to loneliness after the age of 30.
It should be noted that such women often serve as a status symbol for men. Wealthy individuals essentially “buy” themselves model-like girlfriends, just as they purchase expensive cars. They are willing to pamper them like prized racehorses, but only as long as these women look young and vibrant. There’s another scenario where money is also a priority, but the man hasn’t managed to find a “sugar daddy” for himself. In this case, the wife starts nagging her husband, demanding various material goods, which can lead to either the husband’s premature death, imprisonment, or divorce, if he has the strength to escape such a wife.
Salesperson Resume: Production Goals (there’s a term for it, SMART) are an important stage in sales. Money is a tool, not a goal. It’s essential to seriously reconsider your life philosophy to understand what money is really for and how to use it properly. What’s more important? A new phone, a fur coat, some clothes, or a good university for your son?
Smart women who marry a “sugar daddy” don’t waste time; they accumulate their own wealth in the form of jewelry, real estate, and their own “business for pleasure.” Why? To secure their children’s future and, when the time for divorce comes, to find advantages rather than disadvantages in the situation.
And then we return to chapter 0. Setting the wrong goals leads to failure. Don’t make your goal “money now” — you’ll lose in most cases. Look for “promising” husbands who will have money when your children need it, or husbands who will provide money for your children. For information on how to ensure this, read below in the chapter “What a Man Needs.”
I pursued a career.
Very often, this is option 0 – getting married is not necessary. What you need is just a steady partner. Don’t shy away from married people. They are actually better than single ones.
In the 21st century, children can be raised independently, and the role of a father, as Bertrand Russell noted nearly 100 years ago in his book “Marriage and Morals,” can long be fulfilled by the state through kindergartens, schools, and the military. By the way, this book is worth reading for anyone studying the topic at hand. But what if you still want a father for your children? You are a woman who has built a career and holds influence in your circle or in society as a whole.
Of course, the social mimetic instinct requires you to seek a father who is at a higher level than you, so he can provide something for your children in addition to what you offer. It’s not just about money, but about knowledge, upbringing, values, and so on. However, how accurate is this social heuristic in a situation where a woman has long since stopped staying at home?
Let’s remember the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears.” If Lyuda (Irina Muravyova) was a typical illustration of the previous type, then the character of Katerina (Vera Alentova) belongs to the type we just touched upon. Thanks to her perseverance and everyday heroism, she achieved everything she wanted. She sent men packing after her first lover abandoned her when she was pregnant.
However, when she reached the top, she was left alone. There’s not enough room for two at the top. Who did she find? The mechanic Batalov. You might say, is this a fairy tale? No, any decent guy would have suited her, meaning someone who isn’t just interested in her money.
Here we also see the problem of setting goals incorrectly. You shouldn’t be looking for a man who is “worthy” of your social status. You have chosen a male role in society, so live by male rules, choosing a husband for yourself, specifically as a father to your children, a mentor, a moral support, and even someone to fix the light switch. Where can you find someone like that? The last chapter is saved for dessert.
If you are still young and just starting to think about your career, consider what will make you happy in 10 years and for the rest of your life. Is it recognition of your success at work or grandchildren sitting on your lap? Think it over carefully and know that the more successful your career is, the fewer options you will have for a husband who is worthy of you. If you have convinced yourself that you don’t want children, then this article, as I mentioned at the very beginning, is not for you.
Salesperson Resume:Again, it’s about the importance of setting the right goals. Understand why you specifically want a husband and don’t look for matches with social standards – you are already outside of that standard. Instead, seek what you truly need. Do you need someone to care for the children? Look for a nurturing person. Do you need a role model for your son so that he doesn’t end up with two left hands? Find someone skilled. Look for someone who commands respect. Often, successful “white-collar” workers have become accustomed over the years of their careers to being managed rather than being the ones in charge.
I didn’t find my “prince.”
The most neglected case, by the way. This is, as Eric Berne put it, a problem of the script apparatus. Treatment of this case is only possible with the realization that
a) A rolling stone gathers no moss.
b) Princes are practically nonexistent.
What does “practically” mean? Well, there are only about 1,000 princes in the world, and with a population of 6,000,000,000, that comes out to 0.000017% (seventeen hundred-thousandths of a percent). That’s even less than the chance of a meteorite hitting you on the head. The problem doesn’t get solved even if we assume there are 100 times more princes. Okay, you still wouldn’t even be in the realm of probabilities that national lotteries deal with when awarding a jackpot. Are you seriously considering relying on the lottery? No.
Regarding point a), everything would be fine if such women weren’t being disingenuous by saying they are looking for a prince (to rephrase: “the perfect man”). In reality, they aren’t searching; they are just waiting for him to show up. But where is he supposed to come from if a woman is at work from 9 to 6 and then sitting in front of the TV? Here we are dealing with active sales, so we need to:
A) get off your butt from the chair, read the last chapter, and go hunting and
B) optimize the search criteria.
My wife dreamed of marrying a short, thin, curly-haired, athletic brunette who graduated from university. Instead, she ended up with a tall, stocky light brown-haired guy who shaves his head and studied at a polytechnic, and who generally isn’t into sports. What does this mean? It means that the criteria we sometimes attach importance to are secondary. Identify a maximum of 5 important traits that you can judge from first encounters, write them down, and keep them in mind. These 5 traits could be, for example: doesn’t drink, is tidy, intelligent, responsible, and self-confident. Or: kind, caring, wise, sociable, and easygoing. When describing these five traits to yourself, provide an explanation for each.Text for translation: why.She is for you. No, perhaps you need a curly-haired husband, as you have specific fantasies. Or maybe you’ve suddenly decided that a husband should be honest, but how will you know that on the first date? And do you really need his honesty if, because of it, he could easily lose his job, and therefore the money for your children?
Salesperson Resume:
1. You need to sell yourself, not wait for buyers to come to you.
2. Again, it’s about setting goals correctly. To do this properly, you shouldn’t hesitate to write them down on paper.
Widowed/Divorced
Consider that you haven’t been married. Rather, you know what you need and you have experience. You just shouldn’t compare your next partners to your ex. You can’t step into the same river twice.
Widowed or divorced with children. The reasons for widowhood and divorce can vary. Some pathological reasons I described above. Think for yourself, perhaps option “0” suits you. At the same time, remember that a man generally doesn’t care whether you have children or not. The main thing is not to obsessively shift the responsibility for them onto his shoulders. A normal man will take it on himself, and your insistence may only scare him away. Don’t hide the fact that you have children. Doing so will only lead to worse outcomes later on.
Sexual Strategies: An Introduction to the Topic.
We have clarified the goals, and now, before moving on to describing what a man needs from a sales perspective—what exactly to offer him—we will discuss sexual strategies, the foundation from which both men’s and women’s needs arise. Unfortunately, there will be no talk of gender equality here. However, we are already describing a situation in a patriarchal society, where, in addition to biological inequality, there is also social inequality.
But now we will talk about biological inequality and the awareness of it. The key inequality lies in the fact that a woman:
- Has physical limitations on the number of children.
- The number of men around her does not affect her productivity.
- She is always confident that these are her children.
Man:
- He is theoretically capable of having as many children as he can afford.
- The number of women affects productivity.
- Lack of confidence that these are his children.
I assume that the spinal cord, which governs our basic instincts, is unaware of the existence of contraceptives and DNA tests. From this magical bouquet, the following important consequences arise: A woman faces a much greater risk of making a mistake in choosing a partner, and she is more careful about it than a man. chooses a partner for themselves In modern society, the likelihood of a “second chance” is elusive, while just 100 years ago, it was virtually nonexistent. No one even talks about a third chance anymore.
A woman also has no biological advantage in having more than one partner, and from her perspective, she doesn’t understand men who seek something else outside when they have everything at home. It turns out that a woman finds her ideal husband. Moreover, in order to maintain her emotional balance, she incorporates “ internal protection and she starts to believe that her man is the best of all, or at least that her choice is better than her friends’ choices. If it’s not better, then it means she made a mistake in her choice, and that would be the collapse of her entire life.
A woman’s sexual strategy is to find the best father for her children in order to successfully pass on her genes to the next generation. She will dedicate her entire life to this, as she is convinced that these are her children.
From a man’s perspective and his way of passing on genes, a completely different sexual strategy has developed. Yes, he will make an effort to find the best woman to be the mother of his children and dedicate his life to raising them. However, he can easily have a number of extramarital children, who, although they may have worse starting conditions than the “main” children, increase his chances of passing on his genes with this strategy.
We should remember that no man is completely sure that the children he is raising are his own, and therefore, to avoid feeling like a technical eunuch, it’s important for him to continue his sexual activity with other women. It’s clear now that a man, no matter how many times he cheats, will continue to love the mother of his children. You shouldn’t lose your husband if you catch him cheating. Yes, the fact that he allowed himself to be caught is a sign of his foolishness, which means he may not deserve to be the father of your children. But on the other hand, he married you because he is a man, not a log.
Before making any sudden moves, remember that a second chance is elusive, and it’s better to be married to a womanizer than not married at all. Those he sleeps with are still very envious of you. Just don’t let them take him away from you. The best strategy is to make sure your husband doesn’t know that you know, and to defeat the rival within the family, and if possible, deal with her outside of it as well. Also, avoid “sharing your sorrow” with friends or your mother. This is your private matter, and you shouldn’t risk losing the social status of a successful woman whose marriage seems fine.
From their perspective, men often don’t understand why most women aren’t attracted to the idea of having multiple sexual partners, especially considering that it’s much easier to “hook up” than to “get someone into bed.” However, women cheat too. So why is that? Oh! It’s a complex algorithm that can be summed up like this: “What if my provider gets eaten by saber-toothed tigers while hunting? Who will help me raise the children?” In a lover, women find a sort of “backup,” an emergency plan. That’s why women’s affairs tend to be long-lasting, slow-moving, and often without consequences. In fact, by taking a lover, a woman is essentially buying “insurance” for her children with her body.
What should a husband do if he catches his wife? The same as what a wife should do, as I described above. Nowadays, it’s easy to figure out whose child is whose, so there shouldn’t be any reason for jealousy. Therefore, dear spouses, never read each other’s emails or texts. Sooner or later, you’re bound to find something incriminating. And if you do read them, at least give each other the chance to delete anything unnecessary before you look.
If you’re returning early from a business trip, don’t create surprises. Even when heading home in the evening, call and let them know what time you’ll be arriving. This will strengthen both your family bonds and your nerves.
From the understanding of the principle of sexual strategies also arises the root of the female dilemma: “If I give it up, he’ll leave; if I don’t, he’ll leave anyway.” It’s quite simple. For a man, instinctively and unconsciously, the following chain of reasoning develops: “If she gave it up, it means she’s giving it to others too, which means she might already be pregnant, which means the children won’t be mine, so it’s time to end things with her.”
If she doesn’t give in, the man loses interest, or rather, he doesn’t lose interest but optimizes his strategy based on the “cost/performance” criterion. If she won’t give in but another will, then why waste time on her? It’s time to hurry and mate with those who can be mated with, assuming they aren’t already pregnant. This last thought serves as an unconscious limiter to male promiscuity. There’s no point in wasting time on “sluts,” as it’s ineffective from the perspective of continuing the lineage.
The solution to the female dilemma of “to give or not to give” is, as always, somewhere in the middle: to give, but not right away. It’s worth noting that in modern society, people tend to get married about six months after their close relationship begins. Often it’s later, sometimes earlier. Why? Because by the sixth month of acquaintance, any pregnancy from past relationships is likely to be noticeable, and one can understand whose child is in the womb.
Amid all this, we are currently experiencing a complete paradigm shift. It is now clear who the father of the child is, and women can easily manage their pregnancies. This means that soon, the behaviors of women and men will start to converge. On one hand, men will spend more time with their families, while on the other hand, women will be open to having multiple partners. There will be no physiological reasons for male jealousy. Only reasons for female jealousy will remain, and here’s why: The presence of a second woman, and thus a second child, creates competition for the man’s resources for the first woman. Her goal is to use the man for the future of her children. If the man is spending money not only on her child but also on his other children, this conflicts with her objectives.
Polygamy was possible when children needed nothing but food and clothing, and they were not dependents in the family but rather a labor resource. Nowadays, as the cost of raising a child increases alongside the expansion of both opportunities and needs, competitors are no longer needed.
Another important conclusion from understanding sexual strategies is recognizing why women value attention and communication so highly. In the fierce competition for a scarce resource, women only feel happy when they sense that they are being noticed. For them, it serves as a signal that “everything is okay with me.” When there is a lack of attention, they start to feel anxious, restless, and may change their behavior and values until they regain that attention. A callous brute is someone who denies a woman the attention she seeks. “Oh, how tired I am of your vulgar, crude flattery! But, for heaven’s sake, I beg you, please, continue, continue!”
What is “communication”? It’s a demonstration of attention. From their perspective, women start to believe that attention and communication are what their men need. As a result, men begin to shy away from “chattering” women or even run away from them altogether. Women, thinking that perhaps there wasn’t enough attention, chase after them and offer their attention again. Ah!
For men: If your wife is irritable, consider that she might be waiting for your attention. Instead, you turned away to your computer, TV, or newspaper (underline as needed).
For pick-up artists: Give a woman your attention. Listen to her and she will be yours. And all those “techniques” — throw them out the window. You don’t need to talk about anything — just pay attention! But do it sincerely!
I would like to note, finally, that in the future, a rather extravagant scenario of polyandry is possible: when successful women seek fathers for their children, not requiring financial support from the father, but only his efforts in raising them. In a situation where there is a shortage of such fathers, they might cooperate to share and support one man, who becomes a nanny-educator for his (as he is confident) children. In other words, it’s like a reverse kindergarten.
In this scenario, women remain free in every sense of the word, while the father becomes a caregiver for a group of such women, dedicating his entire life to raising his children. In this paradoxical situation, women might recommend such caregivers to each other, just as they currently recommend daycare centers. “Give birth with Semen; he’s a very caring caregiver.” And Semen will have not only an instinctive motivation to raise his children but also a financial one. After all, the more “clients” he has, the better off he will be.
Macho men will become extinct as a species, because the next generation will inherit the genes of those who are caring, not the genes of those who are good in bed.
4. What does a man need?
But we are still far from such utopias that contradict our moral principles, and in order to better “sell” ourselves, we need to understand what a man needs in marriage. For some reason, most women believe that men want “free sex and a meal on the table.”
This is such a widespread stereotype that when interviewing single women, I found no other response at all. But this is fundamentally untrue! I deliberately set aside time and space to write the previous chapters so that you, dear readers, would easily agree that a man actually has free sex when he has women outside of marriage. Those very women in their 30s who are simply looking for attention and male affection.
“The plate on the table,” “order in the house,” “comfort” — everything is outsourced or solved with the help of household appliances, which, as you may have realized, were not invented to ease women’s labor (they’ve given up on that), but to provide free sex for men. By the way, about “comfort.” What you women call comfort is essentially a sublimation of the nesting instinct. And rooks don’t need elaborate nests.
So why do men get married then? What do they gain from women? First of all – children. You need to show that you are a worthy mother for his children. Secondly – what every coach provides to their athletes and every good manager offers to their subordinates: training and oversight.
There are many men who are happy in their marriages and will confirm that what they have achieved in life and in their careers is largely thanks to their wives. I would even say that almost all successful heterosexual men would agree with this. Men are less social – they can be guided on how to behave and set on the right path. Women, rather than men, understand that the stance of “I am D’Artagnan, and you are the fools” is not always productive.
Women instinctively know how to manage people, including their own husbands, and because of this, they can offer a lot to their partners. A woman can set goals and oversee their achievement: a home, a car, a university for the children, travel plans. Women keep men from downshifting or falling into alcoholism and are a primary motivator for their success. A woman will take care of such “details” of her husband’s daily life as clean shoes and an ironed shirt, even if the husband is the one who does the ironing. She will stay informed about her husband’s successes at work, offering praise at the right time and support when needed. A woman will manage the family budget according to the family’s goals, and so on.
Where do women get such management skills, including goal setting, social orientation, a desire for control, and the ability to motivate effectively? Just take a look at the first chapter. Those women who can’t set the right goals and achieve them simply don’t reproduce. Darwin would smile at that. From a woman’s perspective, not formalizing her work with a contract is the height of foolishness. First, you turn him into a person, and then, when it’s time to reap the rewards, he leaves you with nothing? That won’t do.
If you are living in a civil marriage, you need to have a lot of trust in your partner that, in the event of a breakup, they will fairly divide your assets. By the way, assets are another reason why people get married. If you are an equal couple, the question of acquiring joint housing will arise. From a purely economic standpoint, living together in a two-bedroom apartment is cheaper than living alone in a one-bedroom. Therefore, it is necessary to formalize the relationship so that everything can be divided fairly later on. If among your acquaintances there is a couple who, after being in a civil marriage for a considerable time, suddenly decided to get married, know that it is either about real estate, another major purchase (like a car), or children.
Salesperson Resume:Men’s needs are often hidden and not always recognized. It’s generally not a good idea to tell a man that the manager of the family is his wife. Just because a ship is larger than its captain doesn’t mean it can sail without him. Similarly, a captain is of no use without a ship. Understanding that we are dealing with hidden needs, it’s important to identify them, bring them to the man’s conscious awareness, and guide him toward a solution.
5. Identifying and Developing Needs
From a sales perspective, “free sex” and “a bowl of soup” are ways to turn a “cold” contact into a warm one. Or, they represent a “first-level” need, which is superficial. What we need are… deep-seated needs For women, this is the price they pay to keep a man for the brief period when they have the chance to develop his needs.
The worst strategy in this case would be to adopt the “I’m a star” attitude. Both in a figurative and literal sense (lying back with your legs spread and arms outstretched). It’s not wise to celebrate a “victory” over a man just because you’ve managed to get him into bed and maybe even got pregnant by him. Don’t assume that a man will provide for you in every aspect of life. Yes, he will, but only if you guide him in the direction you want. You shouldn’t be lounging in a deck chair on the upper deck of a steamboat; you need to make your way to the captain’s cabin. How to do this? Hmm. Like any good salesperson – listen to the client. Let the man talk about himself, his problems. Show genuine interest, offer thoughtful advice, and cheer for his successes. Ask about his goals in a positive way, help him with those goals, and inquire about what he expects and wants. And yes, a bowl of soup, of course.
You also need to try to balance between what you want from marriage and what he thinks, so he doesn’t feel like you’re trying to trap him. Everything should unfold in a way that he makes the proposal himself, realizing your value to him. Convince him to go on a trip together, especially if he hasn’t traveled abroad before. He will return with a wealth of experiences and realize that he wouldn’t have had them without you.
Of course, in such a journey, a man should be the guide and concierge. No, let him handle the challenges and drive the rental car. Also, let him choose the hotels along the way. However, you should advise him on where to go and which attractions to see, and why those in particular. You should prepare the travel itinerary for his approval.
Without traveling, plan his leisure activities. Organize trips to the theater, movies, walks, and adventures. His life should be filled with you and your positive guidance. If he has troubles at work, support him. Try to help him in his job search. Offer him options, rather than asking him to help you. He will find his own way and will understand if he needs to do it. Assist him with solving problems outside of work when he simply can’t step away.
Become a friend to his mom (it’s important) and so on. Once again, a man needs to realize your value in his life. Of course, after all this, it would be ridiculous to call him with something like, “Hey, babe, I’m bored, come over.” Yes, you’re all vulnerable and sexy like a little kitten. But if you stay that way, you’ll just get tossed aside when he gets tired of you. The call should be something like: “Do you have plans for ____? I heard you mention diving, and I found a diving school. We could go check it out and see what they offer.”
Yes, a man’s courtship is part of the sexual game, but it’s not worth staying in the role of the “victim of courtship.” You won’t prolong the “candy-bouquet” period of your life by giving a man nothing in return, merely taking on the role of a receiver of material and spiritual benefits. You are not a receiver of benefits; you are the owner of the tool for acquiring them. A shovel won’t dig anything on its own. But you need the shovel to uncover treasure. It’s important not to confuse the roles of a manager and a recipient, even though they may appear the same from the outside. Essentially, your behavior should focus on identifying which aspects of your man’s life require your managerial services or which areas of his life are lacking because he hasn’t had a manager until now (like travel, for example), and start providing him with those services.
Help him achieve his goals and share in the joy of his accomplishments, while continuing to provide him with sex and, when visiting your mom, soup. Just don’t overtly manipulate him, humiliate him, do everything yourself, or give him orders. Leave him the role of protector and “the big ship with a tall smokestack and a beautiful low whistle.” Nature has endowed women with the ability to engage in sex almost year-round (not just in spring during mating season) and to enjoy it, so that women always have a tool to attract men.
It’s important to reiterate that the means of attraction should not be seen as the goal for a man. Just as nectar, rather than the shape and scent of a flower, is the true goal for a bee.
Salesperson’s Resume: At the stage of identifying and developing needs, it is important not to exploit the factors that initially sparked the client’s interest in you. You should cultivate the man’s needs without revealing your true intentions. Otherwise, no matter how sincere your behavior may be, he will perceive it as artificial and superficial, believing it will fade after marriage.
6. Direction towards resolution and closing the deal
The section is entirely based on conclusions drawn earlier and is therefore quite understandable. As we noted above, marriage is a contract for divorce. Such a document is necessary for a woman in four cases:
- ensure guarantees for what has been acquired during the marriage, considering your decisive “captain’s” role
- to provide child support if necessary
- ensure the proper transfer of inheritance
- to protect oneself from claims to inheritance from the husband’s relatives.
In a simplified case, a man does not need such a document at all. However, as we described above, there are two serious reasons for having such a document:
- Joint ownership of significant property, in the case of an equivalent marriage and
- Children.
Let’s take a closer look at the last point. Especially since our “spherical horse in a vacuum,” that is, the most complicated case — a woman without a dowry, who seemingly has nothing to share with her husband. By the way, it’s worth noting that this is where the social significance of a dowry comes into play — to compel a man into marriage instead of a civil partnership.
If marriage leads to an improvement in the family’s well-being in the form of a dowry in one way or another, then a man will be ready to accept it now. Now, let’s talk about the point of “children.” If a man already sees you as a “support and pillar” (under these words, he veils the unpleasant term “manager”) and envisions you as the mother of his children, he will be willing to marry you in order to have those children. There’s no need to hesitate to discuss your motives for wanting a “stamp in the passport” with a man with whom you have established absolute and complete trust, especially if he insists on having children without marriage.
It’s important to understand that most men, upon realizing a woman is the mother of children, will propose. But what if a man doesn’t want children? First of all, he’s not the right one for you. Secondly, he may simply not be aware of his need for children. But where does that need come from? It dates back to when the first amoeba decided to divide. Those living organisms that didn’t want to reproduce simply went extinct. The desire to reproduce is in our blood and instincts. We came into this world because the program for reproduction, the program for passing on genetic information to the next generation, is embedded in our genes (that is, in the genes of our parents).
It’s possible that a man “doesn’t want” children for now. At best, he might be unsure about his financial stability or afraid that having a child will significantly impact his wealth. At worst, he may not be confident that you are the right person to be the mother of his children, meaning you haven’t gone through the stage of identifying needs. Don’t pressure him, and don’t try to convince him that children are “happiness” or use any other means to persuade or coerce him. This will not lead to anything good.
You just need to see your role in the marriage and fulfill it. Regarding the “not wanting to” for financial reasons, you should gently plant the idea in his mind that “not wanting to” could last forever, and that children are always a burden. However, using a standard closing technique—projecting into the future—ask him at what age he wants to be when his children finish school, get married, and have grandchildren who will grow up and want to go to the amusement park or fishing with their grandpa. How old is your man’s grandfather? At what age does he see himself as a grandfather? In any case, it’s important to understand what lies behind the “I don’t want to” statement.
When a woman interacts well with a “client,” she is often confronted by the man with the fact that he wants children from her, rather than the other way around. Instead, the woman pleads with the man about this, making him “buy” her arguments for why they shouldn’t have children. After all, repeatedly presenting such arguments does not lead the man to the decision you want; on the contrary, it often has the opposite effect. works to convince otherwise Do you want to convince someone of something? Ask the right question: and the right question won’t look like this: “Do you want kids?”
— No!
— Why?
— Because: A, B, C.
It will look like this: – How do you see the upbringing of your children?
— Blah-blah-blah
— What will you gain that’s important for you by having children?
— Blah-blah-blah
— And if you had children, would it bring joy to someone else?
— Blah-blah-blah
— What things will you be able to afford once you have a son, whom you don’t have right now?
— Blah-blah-blah, listen, I was thinking, how about we have kids?
In any case, remember that the fact of closing the deal is not the husband’s agreement to marry, but the signature on the marriage application.
In long-term commitments like marriage, it’s important to clearly distinguish between progress and delay. Every action you take should imply progress. For instance, if you’re meeting his mother, the goal shouldn’t be to postpone things with “let’s meet, chat, and then…,” but rather to make progress by “finding out what kind of future wife his mother envisions.” That’s why, once you receive formal consent from your partner or a proposal, you should start discussing specific dates to understand when you will go to the registry office to submit your application.
Remember that the civil registry offices are open on Tuesdays and Thursdays during working hours. This means you’ll need to take time off work. Avoid As with any long-term deals, there are “closing techniques” to consider. For example, the “big event” technique: “We need to get married this year because next year is a leap year.” Or the “false alternative” technique — “Do you think we should do this in early spring or closer to summer?” There’s also the Benjamin Franklin technique, where you list all the advantages of marriage while downplaying the disadvantages. Or the “Columbo” technique, and so on — the man might feel pressured and back out. And that’s not what you want. Don’t try to outsmart yourself.
7. Client search cycle.
You can only look for a man when we have clearly defined our goals, understood why we need him, grasped the deeper needs of a man, and equipped ourselves with knowledge about how much time it will take to “cultivate” a client and how to do it effectively. First, I will explain how not to meet someone:
- Bars and nightclubs. Yes, it’s easy to meet people there. However, consider the crowd of visitors. Will your future husband be going to a bar?
- Dating sites, instant messaging, etc. Unlike online communities, you have no choice and put yourself “on display” instead of actively participating in the selection process.
- Flirt parties are a pointless waste of time and hormones.
Now, about how it should be:
Married.
Don’t be dismissive of married men. Armed with this kind of indulgence, we rapidly expand the pool of potential candidates, but we need to be cautious about it. First, a man might see you as a “free lover,” and second, by pursuing a married man, you might end up with a situation that’s already complicated. He can easily walk away from you as well.
And, thirdly, if a married man with children leaves his wife, it reflects his low moral standards, and you certainly don’t want someone like that. We all remember that infatuation fades within a maximum of two years after marriage, so you can confidently make a list of childless friends who got married a couple of years ago and start your search. Moreover, instinctively, men without children in the early years will tend to seek a change in partners, sensing on a gut level the absence of children in their relationship.
Don’t think about morality. In matters of life and death (and we’re talking about whether or not you will have your children), moral principles should not interfere with making the right decisions. When assessing the moral climate in the “victim’s” family, don’t rely on the man’s complaints. They complain to elicit sympathy, but they are not ready to use the arguments expressed in those complaints as grounds for divorce. A man’s complaints are neither a good nor a bad sign for you. Ignore them.
Young
Another category is young men. There are downsides here – you might find it boring, or you could end up playing the role of a mother, or you may not see the success you’re hoping for, after which you can reap the rewards, especially since you’re getting older while your man is maturing.
The others
Women over 30 are left with widowers and divorced men. We won’t follow Lyudmila’s recipes from “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears” and look for our fate in a cemetery. It’s worth noting that any search in long sales is most effective when it follows a chain of recommendations.
Be socially active, chat, gossip, and you’ll find out about a good guy’s divorce in time. However, don’t believe women’s gossip about the reasons for the divorce; it will tarnish the man’s reputation. It’s better for you to check the quality of this man yourself. While thinking that there are no good men around, also consider when was the last time you attended a party, conference, seminar, birthday, or a “live” meeting of an online community.
By the way, how many online or offline communities are you a part of? Do you know what a flash mob or an auto quest is? No time? Sorry, but what’s the most important thing in your life? Define your values. No one will give you anything on “Lepry”? Forget it – people do give and get married. By the way, they also get divorced. Also, always ask your friends about how they met their husbands. Their stories might inspire you with productive ideas. Be a friend, a genuine friend to couples. They will try to help you and introduce you to someone, even without you asking.
Remind your circle of people about yourself. Call every number in your contact list and just chat. Again. The key to success is social activity without any ulterior motives about marriage. Just be genuine and sociable. It will find you on its own. Don’t be afraid of having many friend-competitors. They won’t do what you do, and you’ll be the only one at the right time and in the right place.
I’m not going to discuss the stage between searching and meeting. I’m not a woman, and I’m not prepared to give advice on how to flirt or make eyes like a woman. Women know how to do that themselves. Except for certain cases with men whose values are unclear and who play hard to get, teasing women’s self-esteem and becoming an obsession that provokes their infatuation. It’s simply not worth spending time on such “men.” In other cases, women know very well how to lure a man into bed without imposing themselves as a partner. “Seryozha, my printer broke at home; could you come over this evening to take a look?”