— What do you think about while sitting in the chair of a space capsule and listening to the countdown?
— I look at all these levers, buttons, and indicators, and one thought overwhelms me: just think, this thing was built by someone who offered the government the lowest bid for its construction!
From an interview with astronaut W. Shira.
The market is not only about effective sales but also about effective purchases. In patriarchal cultures, there is a stereotype that a man buys a woman, rather than a woman buying a man in the sexual market. The biological foundations for the emergence of this stereotype have already been discussed in this book. It has also been shown that the development of human civilization is gradually erasing the basis for gender stereotypes, and in some post-industrial communities, men are slowly becoming the commodity. At the same time, if the goal is not to sell oneself but to effectively organize purchases, then that task also needs to be addressed.
The best example can be found in the purchasing departments of large companies. Every salesperson knows that getting through to these companies “through the secretary” is nearly impossible; the buyers themselves are not open to contact with salespeople, and particularly persistent salespeople are simply ignored.
How do these companies exist if they don’t communicate with sellers or are afraid of those who are trying to sell? It’s quite simple. Imagine yourself in the shoes of a procurement department employee tasked with creating a budget for something large, complex, and critical. You have tight deadlines. You have a technical specification that outlines the mandatory parameters for the required products. You have a description of the quantity of products, along with drawings, schematics, and plans. Tell me, do you have time to talk to every seller and let them use all their possible “sales techniques” on you? No. What do you do? If it’s your first time, you simply go online, and if it’s your second, you turn to an existing database of emails that start with info@, and you send out requests for pricing. Sellers, listen up: the “info@…” addresses work, and the inboxes are being checked carefully. They just ignore all sorts of commercial offers and look for what they are waiting for – requests for quotes.
Within a couple of days, the companies will familiarize themselves with all the project information, select the requested products, and if there are any other items in their product range that are described in the project, they will include those as well. They will prepare a commercial proposal and send it back via email. A procurement department employee will review all the received proposals for compliance with the project requirements, immediately filtering out those suppliers who offer products that do not meet the request, or those who try to convince that their proposal, although not matching the request, is much better than what was asked for. From the remaining two or three products, they will choose the cheapest one. That’s it.
People barely have enough time to read technical specifications and prepare estimates, and communicating with sellers is the worst thing they can imagine. No one is going to call back or ask for clarification. If they don’t respond, that’s fine. Others will. If they say they can’t deliver what’s required, no problem. Communication in the “Email request-response” mode is every buyer’s dream. They will be happy only if the responses they receive are those that meet the technical requirements and can be easily copied into the estimate.
If the price difference is minimal, the buyer will prefer the supplier who responded faster and required less time to process the supplier’s proposal. Successful companies in such a B2B market earn money solely based on their reputation, meaning they meet expectations. Sooner or later, buyers will learn that proposals from a certain company are always clear, concise, and relevant, and that the text of the commercial proposal already includes a ready-made section of the estimate, which can simply be copied and pasted into their documentation.
Purchasers need several supplier companies to a) compile a price comparison folder and b) avoid dependence on a single supplier. The worst scenario for a purchaser is when a specific supplier is already mentioned in the technical specifications. In this case, the purchaser becomes dependent on the supplier and has to wait, make follow-up calls, rush things, and generally act like a salesperson, feeling the pressure to respond quickly.
By understanding how professional buyers operate, we can draw several lessons on how to properly make a proposal to a woman.
- It is necessary to have clear technical specifications.
- You shouldn’t depend on just one woman and should make offers to several at once.
- You shouldn’t be afraid of rejection.
And you know what? This is exactly how successful men behave in patriarchal traditional communities. When they see a woman who meets their criteria, they instantly profess their love and propose marriage. Often in front of witnesses, to ensure her “yes” is firm.
There is a predatory logic to this behavior. If a woman says “yes” so directly, it means she really wants to get married, and she will see this proposal as a gift from fate and be grateful to that fate, as well as to the man who marries her. Her happiness is guaranteed; she immerses herself in domestic life and raising numerous offspring. There are minimal family quarrels and maximum understanding of who is in charge in the house.
Spending time on courtship, getting to know someone’s inner world, and other nonsense is inefficient. All women are essentially the same and have the same value. Are the technical requirements met? Blonde, nice figure, no drafts in the attic, parents’ wallet not empty? Make an offer. If she declines, fine, then it wasn’t meant to be. It means she wants something more and/or values herself not just based on obvious physical attributes, but also because of a rich inner world, education, and ideas. But who needs ideas in the kitchen? No one. Great, she turned you down.
This seemingly transactional behavior actually serves quite strategic goals – a long and peaceful family life with many children. And from the perspective of a potential groom, he also measures himself by his own criteria: a bank director, an apartment, a car, a good reputation. What more do you need? Dating? Courting? Spending money? So who, excuse me, is trying to deceive whom? And love? Strangely enough, it will definitely come. There will be passion and infatuation. It’s natural for people to fall in love with those they see every day and sleep with every night.
Conclusion: if you have decided to get married and start a family, you shouldn’t limit your choice to that “one and only,” otherwise your marriage will exist on her terms, not yours. You just need to organize your purchases correctly. “Here are the technical specifications – please send me the price list. I would be happy to see your proposal by Thursday.” If you are a prominent and successful woman, you can do the same, but only if you can handle the possibility of facing 30 rejections without damaging your self-esteem. Of course, you can convince yourself that no one will refuse you, but you probably won’t have the courage to try. However, as mentioned in the chapter about the discerning bride, the best opportunities go to those who take an active stance.
How should potential brides respond to such a straightforward proposal? Of course, one could take it as an insult, snap back, and refuse. However, considering that this approach is used in close-knit, reputation-sensitive communities, earning a reputation as a quarrelsome scandal-monger is not worth it. Additionally, a direct refusal might hurt the groom’s feelings, especially since, according to legend, he is the director of a bank. Classic advice suggests acknowledging the proposal and thanking him for his attention. Something like: “Thank you. I am very flattered by your proposal. I am quite taken aback and need some time to think it over.” The highest level of finesse is to convey that you feel unworthy of his attention—this will prolong the transaction without requiring an immediate “yes.” On one hand, you are not offending the person; on the other, you are acting like a discerning bride from the namesake problem—you set the groom aside and continue to consider other candidates. Importantly, you leave yourself the option to revisit this groom later. After all, he is the director of a bank, and education for the children is important.