In pedagogy, there is a viewpoint that a child who misbehaves, acts out, and constantly gets into trouble doesn’t actually want to be disruptive; rather, they want attention. It’s a misconception to think that attention means more toys, nicer clothes, or extra ice cream during outings. That’s not attention; it’s just a “plug” for attention. True attention involves conversation, shared activities, showing interest in the child’s life, and guiding them in things that matter to them, not just to you. For instance, if you’re teaching a child how to play scales, that’s not quite the same as teaching them how to carve a slingshot.
In the guidance on how to play scales correctly, it’s also important to find a way for the child to actively engage with these instructions and understand their purpose. For example, you could present the prospect of a brilliant performance at a school concert and the recognition of their achievements.
Is your child misbehaving? Before you “turn on the angry parent,” consider that it might be because you’re not giving your child enough attention. Your attention is very important and necessary for them. They need feedback from you, your approval. If they don’t receive positive attention, they will seek it out in other ways.at least some, even negative.
Do you think this only applies to children? No way. This is one of the fundamental rules of management and motivation. If you want to achieve results from the people you lead, for heaven’s sake, pay attention to them. Take the time to chat with them on the phone. Don’t just ask them “how are you,” but ask what they see as positive, what they would like to change, how they envision things unfolding—let them share information with you, and make sure they receive ongoing feedback from you.
Are you busy and unable to constantly answer the phone? Let your team know that you will still respond to all missed calls, even if you do it while driving home. If you want to be organized, teach people to use email and communicate with them that way. They should know that they will receive a response to their message regardless. Moreover, share news, experiences, and ask them to share their ideas. People from the “old school” may be hesitant and take some time to adjust to this approach, but if it is genuine, they will appreciate it, and you won’t need to manage the team. They will, in a magical way, understand what needs to be done and what is important.
What happens if you deprive your people of attention and feedback? The same thing that happens with unruly children. They will start seeking your attention at any cost. For example, through work failures, disciplinary issues, provocative behavior, gossip, conspiracies, and so on. Stay ahead of such a turn of events.
Don’t try to create “proxies” for genuine feedback. If your company has a sprawling network of offices and you hold teleconferences, don’t hesitate to stop overwhelming people with a one-sided flow of information. Instead, structure the conversation so that they share how things are going, ask questions, receive answers, and respond to your inquiries, rather than just listening to “lectures” and smiling at your jokes. Highlight the best performers during these sessions, and when discussing mistakes, speak in general terms without naming names—those who know will understand, and for everyone else, it will simply be a new piece of information on what mistakes to avoid.
If you haven’t given people the opportunity to provide feedback until now, be prepared for some very uncomfortable group sessions with them if you suddenly allow them to have a voice. They will behave just like “difficult teenagers,” starved for genuine feedback. You’ll have to let them express themselves. It’s their right and their need. After that, things will settle into a routine, and such group sessions will become more positive and practical.
The most terrible punishment that can be devised for an employee is to deprive them of any opportunity to receive feedback from their manager. There was a case where an employee was reinstated in the company through the courts, but he quit a month later. Why? Because he was simply not given any work. His only task was to come to the office, sit at his desk for 8 hours, and leave at the end of the day.
By the way, continuing on the topic — experiments with sensory. deprivation and how it affects the psyche. It is also interesting to know that it is impossible to fall asleep in the absence of any stimuli. One way or another, we are surrounded by knocks, rustles, dim lighting, and the sound of our own blood in our ears. Humans are not creatures that can exist in an information vacuum. We are social beings, and when building relationships within our team, we should keep this in mind. Communication between subordinates and their leader is not a “bonus,” but a “sanitary norm.”
Communication should be truly sincere, not just a formal imitation of interaction. All these tricks like “hotlines” or “help services” used by politicians, and now even the blogs of politicians can be seen as methods of imitation—are mere fiction and deception that quickly become apparent. So, what should we do instead? Be honest.