What are you saying! Love should not be forgotten! Are you suffering for him or her, overwhelmed by longing? Does life seem unbearable, and you don’t want to look at other members of the opposite sex? And you can’t go back to your beloved, or more often, you don’t want to? For example, he turned out to be married and promised to get a divorce… uh-huh… Or he betrayed you or deceived you in some other way. Or he showed some unpleasant traits of character or behavior. You understand intellectually that he is not your soulmate and you decided to part ways, but you yearn for those moments of happiness you shared together.
You no longer love him if you’ve noticed some flaws that led you to decide to end the relationship. When you’re in love, you don’t see the flaws. You just want to regain what you’ve lost—love, feelings, emotions, passion. But you don’t know who to replace your loved one with. And you start thinking again about how to get back to him. You suffer once more. And if it wasn’t you who left him, but he left you, then that’s also a betrayal on his part, and you can’t count on someone like that. If he suddenly passed away or died, you still can’t bring him back. And if you got divorced, then the road back is just going in circles.
People who enjoy something tend to want to prolong that experience in any way they can. After reading an interesting post on a blog, they rush to check the comments. After watching an exciting movie, they look forward to a sequel, which inevitably “just isn’t the same.” Every person is unique, and you can’t “replace” one with another. You can’t “replace” one movie you’ve seen with the same one again. You can only watch a new, good movie. One with a different plot, belonging to a different genre. And the new movie might be better, or it might be worse. You’ll never know unless you step into the theater and immerse yourself in the story. Don’t look for replacements. Look for something new. It’s always better.
But as you step out of the dark cinema, walking through the sunny city filled with movie posters, you really don’t feel like going to another film. That’s perfectly normal. You won’t want to see another movie for a while, and that’s okay. Everything will come in its own time. Moreover, if you rush to catch another screening right away, it’s not really what you want, anyway. It’s like trying to snack again after a hearty dinner. Especially if your motivation for seeing a new film was to forget the old one. It just won’t work. Try not to think about a pink monkey. Can you do it? Exactly.
The worst way to deal with insomnia in bed is to lie there and think about how important it is for you to fall asleep. You’re guaranteed not to sleep. You’ll keep checking in with yourself, wondering if you’ve fallen asleep or not. Forget about sleep. Convince yourself that sleep is nothing, and the main thing is rest. Just lying in bed. And you’ll fall asleep right away. Similarly, the worst way to “find a replacement” is to actively search for one and think about how important it is for you. To avoid being alone. To forget the past. To rediscover that feeling you had back then. Don’t constantly analyze whether you like others now. Just allow others to be closer to you. Go to the movies next week to see some new, promising film. It might not be great, sure. Then go to another movie. And it might turn out to be better than all the films you’ve seen before. And don’t forbid yourself from seeing or talking to or having sex with the person you left. By lifting that ban on yourself, you might realize that you don’t really want it that much after all. And there’s nothing much to talk about. But by allowing yourself to be close to someone with whom you can’t imagine a future, you make yourself a more desirable option in the sexual market.
Surely, there are people in your circle who would be happy to get closer to you. Allow them to do so. But don’t rush yourself. Just never compare your past love with these new people. There’s no point. Which movie is better: “Star Wars” or “Cruel Romance”? Can you forget “Star Wars” after watching “Cruel Romance”? And what’s the point of forgetting them—both are good films, and you enjoyed them. They have ended. We have the next movie waiting for us. Remember your love and the time you spent together with gratitude to fate. After all, you were happy. What more do you need?