- You did an excellent job with the task.Actually, I did it with my left foot just 10 minutes before the deadline. He’s either trying to manipulate me or doesn’t understand anything about my work.).
- Your presentation at the conference was amazing! I’m proud of you.Well, yes, I spent a week writing the report and rehearsing, and now he can be proud. “Thank you!”).
- This is a magnificent presentation!Yeah, I accidentally did well this time, and now people will have high hopes for me, but I’ll end up messing things up just like always.).
- Your workspace is perfectly organized!If only he could see what’s going on in my drawer! I just threw all the papers in there in a rush before the workplace inspection.).
- I didn’t expect such speed in your work.So, it’s worth working a bit slower.) or (It turns out that he doesn’t think I’m capable.).
- I knew you would manage.Well, how could he have known if I didn’t even know whether I would manage it and was very worried?).
- You look absolutely amazing today!So, the rest of the time I was just okay.).
- I really appreciate what you do.So, it seems he wants something from me.).
After all, every girl knows the value of compliments like “you have such beautiful eyes!”
There are two factors at play here. The first is that we never really know what the person we are praising is actually thinking, and…
Second: Expressing an opinion without supporting arguments, whether positive or negative, is perceived as an attack. Any statement, as we are taught in sales schools, provokes objections. This is a natural reaction of any person to an unsupported opinion. (What, you want to argue? Exactly 😉)
So, it turns out that praising is not allowed? But that contradicts everything that is written about motivation and what I discuss here in my blog on the same topic. This is precisely the problem. A manager, having read a bunch of books on motivation, decides that they need to praise their subordinates more, starts doing it, and… achieves the exact opposite result. After that, they label any motivational theory as “nonsense” and revert to the old tried-and-true method of “carrot and stick.”
But the job of a manager is a bit more complex than just handing out praise and reprimands. It’s generally not a good idea to give compliments directly. Instead, you should create situations where people can recognize their own achievements. Allow individuals the right to draw their own conclusions about themselves. After all, self-esteem is something that only the individual can control, and phrases like “You’re doing great” won’t change that. Compare this to the previous statements:
- I asked you to prepare the report for me by noon today, and I see it on my desk. This shows a responsible attitude towards the task. I can rely on you.
- I’ve heard reviews about your performance. You have every reason to be proud.
- This presentation effectively conveys the key advantage of our product and is not overloaded with text. I’m confident you will be able to communicate all the important points at the upcoming meeting with clients.
- I see a perfect order on the desk. Proper organization of the workspace helps increase productivity and reduce the number of mistakes.
- You managed to complete the work in a tight timeframe. I can see that you can focus and mobilize yourself when the circumstances demand it.
- The fact that you were able to schedule a meeting with Vladimir Vladimirovich is a result of admirable persistence and determination, and it characterizes you as a bold and decisive person.
- The ability to take responsibility and make decisions is an important skill in our work and a sign of personal growth.
- Several departments in the company regularly rely on the results of your work. I have never heard a single complaint about the quality of its execution. This is very valuable, as the company is essentially a unified, well-coordinated mechanism.
Formulate praise in a way that goes beyond a simple statement and addresses the question: what has been accomplished and why it matters both to the individual and the company. This is challenging. It requires some mental effort to carefully craft such praise. After all, are managers being paid for their work for no reason? In reality, it’s quite simple—describe what you see and the results it brings. This is something that cannot be taken away from a person. It becomes a part of them forever. It’s their success and their self-esteem, not your assessment of them. This is what motivates. This is what instills enthusiasm in people and encourages them to strive for new victories. And yes, when giving praise, avoid phrases that carry “baggage” from the past, such as “You showed up on time for the first time in a month” or “I didn’t think I could rely on you” or “I didn’t expect such quality from you,” and so on.
So, should I write in the next post about how to scold properly? Or would it be better to continue with the topic of music and spies? 🙂
P.S. In the comments, there was an objection that changing the form of praise won’t change the subordinate’s mindset. Well, that’s not true. Let me show you with the very first example:
The thoughts of a subordinate will vary. Instead of praise, there is just a statement of fact. It reflects what the person sees, rather than expressing an opinion. It’s hard to argue with a fact, and a fact provides self-assessment. The “patient” can no longer think as they did before, since they can’t accuse the boss of manipulation or incompetence. No one says that the report is good. They say that it was submitted on time. And that is the truth.
The patient might be thinking something like this: “Damn, he really needs this report, I shouldn’t have done it half-heartedly. At least I submitted it on time, and that’s important to him. Next time, I’ll take it seriously since he thinks I’m responsible, and I’ll submit it on time again, just like now. That will be better.”
Even if we assume that the boss knows the report was done poorly, unleashing an acoustic assault on the subordinate means making them feel like they’ve atoned for their mistake—after all, they’ve already been yelled at. But do we want to play the alpha male, or do we want to ensure that reports are done well and with enthusiasm in the future?
That is, in all cases:
— the report was on time, the report was good (he didn’t just praise me, now I know that I am responsible and that I did well)
— the report is on time, the report is bad, the boss is unaware of the shoddy work (see above)
— the report is on time, the report is bad, the boss is aware of the shoddy work (see above)
The best tactic for the boss would be to acknowledge the good parts of what has been done. They can discuss the bad parts later, rather than praising someone in advance for a report they haven’t even seen yet.
Once again: The phrase “you did an excellent job with the task” can a) be accused of insincerity and b) be disputed. However, the phrase “the report is on the table on time” cannot be disputed at all. Not at all. This is an objective fact.